- "Sorry, ma'am, but I'm gay. Now -- move along. Nothing to see here."
- ―Gay Cop[src]
A member of Newport's finest who is guarding a shuttle wreck outside the NPD station. When April Ryan is trying to salvage an AG Unit from the wreckage, she tries a number of techniques to distract him, including pointing out an escaped convict right behind him - a refinement of the classic three-headed-monkey distraction - and some light flirtation. Unfortunately, for April, this particular cop is gay and is more bothered by the dust from the wreckage.
April is forced to resort to drastic measures: she buys a can of Bingo! Classic soda and puts it in a paint shaker, then offers it to the cop to wash away the dust. When he opens it, the can explodes and threatens to short out the exoskeletal armour he's wearing, forcing the cop to leave in a hurry.